To explain where stories come from, we helped Leila and Rahul make their own mini-books. I transcribed their stories.
Natasha Visits Dr. Leila
by Leila
Doctor Leila goes for a walk.She goes to the nurse’s house. The nurse goes to Dr. Leila’s house. They do a blood test for Natasha. They check Natasha’s heart. (L and R both demand I draw a heart on this page!) They heard dook dook, dook dook, dook dook. Then they checked her lungs. Dr. Leila and the nurse sent Natasha home. Natasha became better.
THE END
The Dragon and the Princess
by Rahul
Once upon a time there was a princess who was stuck in the dragons cave. And one dragon said, “Who is here? The dragons blow fire at her. She called the prince. He faught the dragons with his sword. The dragons threw fire on the prince as well. The dragons left the cave.
THE END
Wonderland
by Rahul
Once upon a time there was a dragon and a princess. The dragon blew fire on the prince and princess. Then suddenly, the nice fairy appears and fights with the dragon. And the dragon flew away.
THE END
Nemo the Shark by Rahul
Nemo the shark bites everyone. But he is scared of the dragon. One day Nemo met the dragon in his house! (R: Mama put an excamashun mark) The dragon blew fire on Nemo. It hurt a lot. (R: draw a dragon here. Blowing fire. – I managed a dragon brontosaurus dog with whiskers blowing a sock.)
In July last year, Maher bought me an iPhone for our anniversary. My frist ever Smartphone. Of course, I didn’t even open it for a few months. Now I’m hooked.
And then my brother introduced me to WhatsApp while complaining about how people don’t just pick up the phone and call for a few minutes. Instead they chat on this thing for hours on end.
Then last month one of my friends suggested I get it. So here I am now, chatting with my friends around the world, anytime of day or night – and yes, sometimes it’s more of a monologue than dialogue. But they understand, they know I’ve lived on the moon for the last ten years.
I was chatting with some of my friends while my kids were in hospital last week. Sending emails too.
A couple of weeks into the NICU experience in Nov and Dec of 2009, one of the nurses organised a Parent Support Group. After some hesitation, it being our first “support group” and all, Maher and I went. We were only two couples in the English speaking section, and the woman leading the group showed us a day-by-day photo album of her twin boys born there, at 26 weeks gestation. Actually, one of her 6-year-old sons was taking us through the pics himself. His mum openly discussed the challenges her family faced at the NICU and over the following years. Of course, she encouraged us to talk. What struck me was that the other couple had shared their baby’s photos on Facebook. Their naked baby with a ventilator, feeding tubes, bandages, IV’s, the works.
They found love, support, and strength through their network of family and friends.
I, however, was unable to call my own brothers. I almost dialed my closest childhood friend’s number a few times. Even did once, a few days after Rahul was already home. Chatted for a few minutes.
A couple of friends of mine dropped everything that was going on for them in Chengdu and came to see me in HK. I barely even spoke to the one who stayed two weeks. She got to know my mum amd mother-in-law a bit better though.
That’s the way I used to deal with things, and during the NICU time and later, this reflex kicked in more strongly than ever before. I felt that no one could help anyway, and isolating myself was the most efficient way to deal with what was in front of me. It made sense at the time because only parents were allowed into the NICU, and I wanted to savor every moment I had alone with my babies. I was too fragile to handle criticism and questions, stress from others, and least of all pity. And there was no way I would break down. Not then.
But then a few months later, both babies out of the NICU, and home in Chengdu, I relaxed. I started to comment on blogs. (Big step!) Then I started my own. I got a VPN in China, to access Facebook again, right after Zambia won the Africa cup. I couldn’t join the celebrations, not even over FB. That was too much for me to handle!
When one of my friend’s twins were in the NICU a year ago, I felt the need to be present. He had no problem communicating with me, explaining, and even listening to me. I was impressed. And now while my kids were in the hospital last week that same friend along with others all listened, and shared their own experiences. It made everything more bearable. Others read my endless WhatsApp monologues.
Thanks for the support over the last couple of weeks, for the brainstorming sessions, the connection. For just being there.
When I saw this talk for the first time a couple of years ago, it was perfectly timed then. I immediately forwarded it to an exhaustive list of friends. A few days ago my cousin shared it with me again. It was just what I needed to hear. Again. For my friends – old and new.
The emergency room doctor last night wanted to rule out appendicitis – seriously there are some crazy twin stories out there, this one would have been too much for me.
Not sure if we can get out today, the paediatrician can’t pinpoint the issue, and it was quite the painful bacterial, gastro issue.
Leila and Rahul made sure that we’d be staying with them all night. At least twenty times. In the same room. And right before falling asleep L asked me why we left them
In the hospital every night when they were babies. Why didn’t I stay with them? She was sad that we left. And why did the doctors and nurses in HK not allow us to stay with them. It’s not fair.
I sang them the Brassens song that Maher and I used to sing them every day when we were in HK. They finally drifted off after an exhausting day.
I remembered a woman I met in HK the two other times that Leila was admitted into hospital, L was around one then. She was an older British woman who took care of Chinese orphan girls, brought them to a state of adoptability. She would care for them and take them through surgeries. Strangely enough I met her twice at two different hospitals. The first time her little girl, Grace was having major surgery of her bowels. The second time I thought she was there still with Grace, but it was another girl, another story. The one thing she said to me that I remember is how quickly children snap out of such situations. They don’t mope and feel sorry for themselves.
There is a lot of compassion.
This morning, Rahul wondered why Maher went to get us some breakfast alone. “But he’ll miss you mama.”
And then later he said to Leila, “Let’s do bicycle with our feet. I am
Just touching you because I love you.”
After a blood test that showed very high WBC’s at the Bangkok Samui Hospital, an IV line was in ready, for a night of antibiotics. Rahul spent hours in pain and then hours trying to find an escape when he heard the dreaded “blood test”. This morning he has been convincing Maher to just walk out of the hospital.
A few months ago when the Chengdu rain was pouring incessantly, and probably around a full moon day, I bought a bunch of frames from Ikea. I picked a handful of my favorite paintings by R and L and created a colourful installation.
Me: Do you think these two work in here, in the black frames?
Maher: Yeah, why not. But what do you want to do with all of these frames?
I tore down my yoga-photo wall. After 7 years, a change was necessary.
Me: What do you think Maher? Does it all look fine like this? Too bad for that basket ball hoop.
Maher staring at his Ipad: Maybe you should put them up at a museum.
Me: Oh man, thanks for your help. But hey, what a great idea
A Family of Scorpios and My Non-Existent Asana Practice
November 1: Happy Birthday Rahul and Leila
Birthday cakes at snack time
November 7: “He won,” Maher exclaims as I walk in. “Now I’m ready to move to America!” he winks.
“But I don’t want to go to America on the Mayflower,” Rahul says. “If we go to Plymouth, America, we will get sick. And then the small people will take care of the big ones.”
We laugh.
“Papa’s joking about moving to America Rahul, and we don’t have to go on a loooong boat ride like the pilgrims, we can take a plane.”
Rahul and Leila break into song: “The pilgrims went to America, America, America…”
November 11: Happy birthday tonton (uncle) Jalal
November 12: Welcome to the World and to Chengdu, cousin Mina XiaoYu Kassar
November 13: Happy Diwali
We talk to my family in Zambia. We all wish each other a Happy Diwali. Maher and my Canadian, soon to be sister-in-law also exchange happy diwali’s on the phone.
Maher jokes with my parents that the children are learning all about Halloween and Thanksgiving at school, but they know nothing about Diwali.
“Hey, we did dress up, and take a photo!” I interject. “Maybe next time the diwas (oil lamps), sweets, and stories. I need to google it!”
November 15: Happy Birthday Nana (grandpa) Ravi
November 16: Happy Birthday Jiddo (grandpa) Kamal
November 18: Jiddo Kamal arrives in Chengdu to visit his three grandchildren.
November 22:Happy Thanksgiving
Leila’s Turkey
Rahul’s Turkey
Thechildren have turkey and cornbread muffins at school. They talk about corn husk dolls and symbiosis.
November 23:L cries and R whines when I meet them at school. They want to do a full day, eat and nap with their friends. Thankfully I’d just discussed this with their teacher.
The evening after their first full day Leila is sure that she wants to stay all day, everyday. Rahul is sure that he wants to come home, always, before lunch.
November 26: Thus begins my three trips a day to the school, one refuses to come home, the other refuses to stay beyond noon.
As a mum of twins this is a big step – the kids first clear decision to do something important and rather long-term independently of each other.
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Thanks for sharing this crazy month with us teta Houda.
Finally not only one, but two people who keep up with you!
I’m Mum of Twins (MoT) Leila and Rahul (L and R), who turned 3 on the 1st of November. They started pre-school a couple of months before their 3rd birthday.
I’ve gone back to teaching some yoga classes.
I’ve never been busier – with figuring out how to get the kids out of the house and to school in the morning, teaching my classes, doing the groceries, cooking, trying to find time for my practice, and then getting them to brush their teeth. Seriously, what’s up with brushing teeth?!
And then there’s the events now that they’re in school. We need outfits for Halloween, photos for “student of the week”. And then there’s the birthday party.
But. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I think of a couple of mums I’ve met in the last few weeks. One is a full-time working mum of a five-year old and three-year old triplets. The other is also working full-time, with a part-time job on the side, mum of a four-year old and one-and-a-half year old twins.
Wow.
One random, but very important thought for me – I can’t thank the people who are helping me day in and day out.
My post frequency has reduced to “extremely infrequent”. I pondered dropping the blog altogether, but it’s something I have enjoyed. It made me think and express myself. And it connected me to family, old friends, and I’ve new friends I’m sure to keep regardless of the blog.
